Thunder Storms
by Znicz
Summary: Matt and Mello are best friends, but when Mello learns about Matt's fear of thunderstorms everything changes. I can't write summaries. Whatever. If you dislike yaoi or lemons then DON'T READ! Rating for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Yep, I was supposed to post this a few days ago, but thanks to my mother sending me to a college prep school that gives at least five hours of homework every night, I didn't get around to it. :( I had it all written out, but was I able to type it? NOOO. Anyway, enough of my rant. I'm thinking about leaving all of this in Mello's P.O.V. But I'm not sure yet. Oh well. I hope you all like it, REVIEW._

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. I don't, I wish I did, but wishing gets me nowhere.

Thunder Storms

Chapter 1

Mello's P.O.V

It was hot. The air conditioning in Wammy's always broke during the hottest month of the year. I rolled over on my bet to look at Matt who was in the process of beating some new video game he'd received a few days before. "Matt," I called when I became too full of boredom to sit still anymore.

"Hm?" he responded without looking at me, I knew he wasn't paying attention and it bugged me.

"Wanna go outside?"

"No," he said simply, still not looking at me. "It's hot and there's nothing to do out there." He was lying and he knew it. There was PLENTY to do outside. There was the playground (mainly it was for the younger kids but Matt and I always enjoyed taking it over and bossing the kids around), there was a tree house with telescopes and a whole bunch of science equipment, there was also the pool. That would definitely cool us off a bit.

"Let's go to the pool," I exclaimed sitting up. I moved a bit too quickly and got a little dizzy from doing so, but the cold pool water would take care of that issue.

"I don't feel like it," he groaned, pausing in his game for a moment to look at me.

"You never feel like doing anything but twittering you thumbs." He rolled his eyes and resumed his game. "I wanna go outside." I got up and pulled on his shirt collar, dragging him off of his bed and onto the floor.

"Okay, fine. We'll go outside. Damn, Mels, you can be a real baby sometimes."

"Watch it, bastard," I growled. He stood and followed me to the door of our room which I opened enthusiastically. The orphanage was mostly empty except for a few groups of kids socializing in the common room. I was sure that everyone would be outside and I was right because as soon as we stepped outside we heard the loud talking from the pool area. "Everyone's at the pool, Matt!" I complained "maybe if you weren't so fucking lazy we'd be there too. But nooo, you don't want to leave your precious video game." I snatched the console from his hand and stuffed it in the nearby bushes.

"I want that back, I was in the middle of the last level!" he yelled. "Oh come on, Mels." he headed for the bushes but I stopped him.

"Touch those bushes and I'll bash your face in," I threatened him. He stopped and instantly frowned at me. "Now come on," I said grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him toward the basketball court. I pulled a ball off of the rack and bounced it over to him.

"Mel-lo," he whined "I don't want to play basketball!"

"Yeah, well the sooner you finish playing with me the sooner you get your dumb video game back." He obliged then, dribbling the ball a bit and bouncing it over to me. He pulled out his box of cigarettes and put one in his mouth. I was tempted to take that from him too, but I knew he would leave me outside alone if I did. He shot a few baskets and dribbled a little more, but he was never fully in to the game.

After a good fifteen minutes of standing out in the heat the first drop of rain fell. It hit the ground directly in between Matt and I and we both stared at the small black spot it left on the asphalt. "Rain?" Matt sounded shocked.

"No duh, dumb ass. Did your video games melt your brain or something?" I turned around and headed back inside and Matt followed behind me, not forgetting to get his game out of the bushed. I shook my head and made my way back to our room.

"Well," Matt said, buried in his game once more "that was short lived."

"I thought you wanted it that way?" I pulled out my half melted bar of chocolate and took a bite from it. It didn't make that comforting snapping sound because it was so soft, but the chocolate tasted good on my tongue nonetheless.

"I dunno, I guess it wasn't too bad. Didn't kill me." I pulled out my books and began to study. There was no time to waste, I had to beat Near. I had to push him from the pedestal that everyone in Wammy's House, and even L himself, had placed him on. I had gone through a whole two hours of rigorous studying when the dinner bell rang. I was extremely tempted to bring my books along with me but when Matt saw me attempt this he ordered me to leave the books behind.

"If you study too much your head would grow bigger than it already is," he said "and you're my best friend, I can't allow you to do this to yourself. What about me? How do you think it'd make me feel to be seen in public with a person that has such a gigantic head?"

"The same what it makes me feel when I'm seen in public with a red headed boy wearing goggles," I retorted, dropping the books on my bed. It would be too heavy to carry with a lunch tray, that's why I left it (not because he told me to.) "If I'm leaving these, you're leaving that." I motioned toward the game console that he had in his hand.

"No way!"

"Then I'm taking these." I picked up the books.

"Alright, but when you can no longer hold your own weight because of your big ass head, you'll remember this. I won't even be there to help you. I'll be gone because you'd be an embarrassment." This earned him a hard slap on the neck.

"You're stuck with me whether or not I have a big head." I tried to imagine life at Wammy's without Matt. Who would be my friend then? Near? I shuddered at the very thought.

"You can't keep me with you," he said rudely. It hurt a little but I didn't let it show. I walked out of he room without the books and Matt followed behind me with his game in hand. It never ceased to amaze me that he could walk in even the most crowded room and not bump into anything without looking up from his game.

It was still boiling hot and the light drizzle that started when Matt and I were outside got harder. We sat down at the usual table and waited for the line to shrink, we were a little behind so all of Wammy's got in line before us. Matt finally put his game to the side and looked at me.

"So, you left the books" he said in an attempt to start a conversation.

"Yeah, you stopped playing your game," I said in return. I didn't know why it bothered me if he had been playing it all day, maybe because he didn't spend as much time with me. But why did that matter? _'Because he's my best friend.'_ That had to be the reason, nothing more than friendship.

"You complain about the games all the time, you obviously have nothing else about me that you dislike," he said smiling.

"Don't flatter yourself. I complain about the goggles too." He touched his goggles defensively and pouted.

"You never hear me complain about your rosary," he said. I grasped the beads around my neck.

"It's not the same."

"It is to me."

"Whatever." I looked away then, staring out the window into the cloudy sky. The sky was a charcoal gray and the clouds rolled across the sky. There was no lightning yet but it seemed like there would be soon. "Looks like a storm is coming."

"Yeah," he said. He almost sounded afraid. If I hadn't known any better I would have accused him of being afraid of the brewing storm. I looked over to the food station and realized that the line finally disappeared. Everyone was gone except for Near.

"Let's go," I said as I stood. Matt looked at the line and hesitated.

"Maybe we should wait for Near to finish," he said, looking up at me.

"Why?"

"So you don't pester him," I was shocked. Who's side was he on?! "He's not my favorite person in the world," Matt continued "but your constant torture is getting old. If I'm getting tired of just watching you, imagine how Near feels."

"I will not." I turned toward the line but Near was already gone. I seethed as I headed forward, Matt by my side once again. He had his DS in hand but it wasn't turned on. There was something odd about Matt as he went through the line, he would steal wary glances at the storm every once in a while. "Matt, are you alright?" I as becoming even more suspicions, even more convinced that he was afraid. It was odd because there were storms all the time. What made it any different today?

"Y-yeah. I'm fine." I still wasn't convinced, but I didn't tell him that. As we took back our seats I watched him carefully. He continued to sneak glances outside when he thought I wasn't looking. We talked about pointless things, but what really sealed the deal for me was that his hands shook as he fumbled and tore up the napkin in his hands. I didn't say anything to him but the whole time I was noticing these things and observing his actions.

Matt was truly afraid. He wasn't very good at hiding it, or maybe I was examining close enough to notice it. Or maybe I knew him well enough to notice the automatic change in him. He ate slowly and picked at his food so I waited for him to finish before leaving the table. His shaking hands caused him to drop both his fork and empty cup on the ground when we were half way to the garbage disposal. I shook my head in disapproval but assisted him in picking them up. His face turned red enough to match his hair.

"Woops," he said with a timid laugh. "My bad." He looked at me and I didn't say a word. I shook my head and he looked down at the floor dejectedly. We put our empty plates into the wash pile and he turned around and ran off without me.

_A/N: I'm not sure whether or not I like this chapter yet. If it sucks I'm sorry and it won't hurt me if you told me so. Anyway, REVIEW! I'll try my best to post the next chapter promptly. _


	2. Chapter 2

_a/n: Sorry for the late update. Writer's block is a bitch... seriously. UGH! Some ideas would be super super amazing. I need to get this funk off of my brain. Oh well. REVIEW!!!_

**DISCLAIMER: My third Death Note story and I'm still no closer to owning Death Note than I was when I wrote the 1****st**** one. You get it... NOT MINE! . I HATE YOU DISCLAIMER!!!**

Chapter 2

Matt's P.O.V

I was hurt and depressed as I made my way away from the glaring eyes of the other students. I was hurt because Mello left me without even making an effort to help me up. _'Some best friend he is,'_ I thought to myself as I kicked an unfortunate wad of paper that blocked my beeline toward my room. The plain white halls were empty except for me and the silence was unnerving. The first roll of thunder stopped me dead in my tracks.

Yeah, I was afraid of thunder storms... big deal. But for Mello it would be a big deal. He would laugh at me and probably disown me as a best friend. I shook the fear away quickly. _'No, Matt. You have to be brave, it's just a storm. What can it do? Step on you? No. It's just dark clouds... and rain ...and... lightning...'_ I shuddered and began to walk again. The sooner I was in my room in the company of Mello the better. I would probably play some Call of Duty and forget about the storm. Yeah, I wouldn't think of it. Unless I happened to..well...look out the window. I opened the door to see Mello sitting there waiting for me. He sat with his arms crossed, glaring at me as soon as I opened the door. I entered the room and turned my back to Mello as I closed the door. I stood there without turning around and Mello cleared his throat.

"Matt, sit down," he said calmly. Way too calmly in my opinion. I walked over to my bed and sat down. _'Well...there goes Call of Duty.'_ I stared at my jumble of video games that sat below the television longingly before Mello recaptured my attention. "What's up with you, Matt, you've been acting weird ever since I mentioned that storm."

"I have not," I said defensively.

"You have," Mello replied. "You wanna know what I think?" He didn't even give me a chance to answer before he made his accusation. "I think you're scared. But that's what confuses me, it rains here all the time and you were never scared before. Full blown thunderstorms were rare but you never seemed scared of them before. What makes this one different, Matt?"

"I'm not scared," I lied "you're just imagining things, Mello. I'm just tired." I laid down in my bed, shoes and all, and turned over on my side with my back toward Mello.

"Don't you dare turn your back on me, Jeevas," Mello demanded as he walked to the other side of my bed and knelt down in front of me. "Now tell me the truth. Are you scared?"

"No, Mello, I'm not scared," I lied again. "Why do you care anyway?"

"What do you mean 'why do I care'?! You're my best friend, Matt. If you're afraid of thunderstorms then I have every right to know!" He seemed even angrier that I'd asked him such a dumb question and the fact that no matter how many times I lied to him he still wouldn't leave me alone frustrated me. "Now I'll ask you one more time, Matt. Are you afraid?" I looked at him for a moment before it all rushed out.

"Yes," I said. My voice broke and I shuddered as the thunder rolled again. Mello's expression changed from one of anger to one that was caring and worried.

"That's all you had to say, Matt," he said as he laid down next to me on my bed. "What did you think I would do? Laugh at you?"

"Yeah, sorta." He looked down understandingly and nestled closer to me.

"I know that that's something that I would do to other people," he said softly "but not to you, Matt. Never to you. If that's something that you're afraid of then I won't laugh. You're my best friend, we have to stick together." I sighed and relaxed, he wasn't going to laugh at me. You would never believe how good that made me feel, a whole burden lifted from my shoulders. I didn't know what to say, Mello's words touched me and I was overcome with joy, so I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"Wanna play Call of Duty?"

Mello and I were in the middle of playing a game when suddenly there was a bright flash of light and my game system whirred to a stop. The lights went out and I could hear the air conditioning go out. Of course the brighter the lightning the louder the thunder. I could feel the building shake as the loud sound penetrated my ears. I quickly jumped up and ran toward my bed, jumping in at the soonest chance I got. I covered my head with the sheets and cowered in fear. Mello was farthest from my mind as I attempted to hide from the outside storm.

"Matt," Mello's voice called out softly to me. He peeled the sheets back away from my face carefully and the expression I saw in his eyes was one of worry. "Are you alright?" I didn't answer and shut my eyes tightly as another roll of thunder penetrated my ears. "Shh, Matt. It's okay," Mello said softly. He climbed in the bed beside me and held my head to his chest. I could hear the beating of my best friend's heart and oddly I found it soothing. I began to relax until the crack of lightning and roll of thunder returned. Mello clung to me even tighter in an attempt to protect me from the frightening storm. "Shh, it's okay," he continued to whisper in my ear as he held on to me.

I began to feel a new emotion at that moment. It was as if the bond between Mello and I were growing stronger and stronger every time the lightning fell from the sky and the thunder rolled. The feeling of Mello running his hand through my hair and the sound of his heartbeat was so soothing to me that eventually I began to drift to sleep in his arms. And for some odd reason, I began to feel like that was where I was supposed to be.

_a/n: AWWUH! I thought about adding the next chapter to this but thought better of it after that. I wouldn't want to end that heartfelt moment yet. Ohh, it's so sweet that I'm making my best friend (who is nosy enough to watch me type it over my shoulder instead of reading it on fanfic) puke. Hehe. I LOVE LOVE LOVE MxM. I was a die hard MxN fan...but now I'm starting to convert myself. Hehe. __**Anyway**__ do me a favor and tell me what you think, okay? REVIEW!!! Yeah, that button down there. The green one? PRESS IT!!!_


	3. Chapter 3

_a/n: It's been a while... sorry. I can't even use homework as an excuse because I haven't had much. I've been down lately because any time I started to write I epically failed. Hopefully this comes out good. A lot of people liked the last chapter which is good. Thanks for all of the amazing reviews. Keep 'em comin'! _

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. Not even in my wildest dreams.**

Chapter 3

Mello's P.O.V

I looked beside me at the sleeping boy and it occurred to me that it was supposed to be this way. Matt and I were supposed to be together. My eyes drifted closed and I fell into a peaceful but dreamless sleep.

The memory of the night before came flooding back as I slowly drifted back to consciousness. I breathed in the faint smell of smoke that radiated from Matt's sheets and sighed in contentment. Maybe the reason behind the peace that I felt was from the full night of sleep, maybe it was more. Whatever the reason was I felt extremely peaceful. More peaceful than I'd ever felt before in my life.

I heard the quiet clicking from the bottom of the bed and sat up to see Matt focused intently on Halo III. I crawled to the bottom of the bad and laid on my stomach resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Good morning, Matty," I said.

"'Morning," he replied without pausing his game. "How long have you been up?"

"Not long. What about you?"

"I woke up about an hour ago. Roger woke me up. He said something about L coming in and I couldn't sleep after that so I started to play. Didn't wanna wake you up. Did you have a good sleep?"

"Yep, I'm wide awake now. Can we do something?" He paused the game then and I sat up.

"Like what?" He turned to face me with a blank expression.

"I dunno. Play with me, Matt!" I sat in his lap and put his arms around my waist. "But I don't wanna play video games."

"We can't go outside. It's too wet." It was silent for a moment as I thought about what we were going to do. It was Saturday so there were no clases. My stomach growled and I heard Matt chuckle. "Maybe we should get breakfast before we do anything else."

"Isn't it too early for breakfast?" I looked toward the shade-covered window in confusion. It looked dark out.

"Mello, it's nine- thirty." I got up and headed for the window.

"Really?" I pulled back the red curtain and saw why it was so dark. The sky was full of charcoal gray clouds that went as far as the eye could see. The clouds were so low that I felt like I could touch them if I opened the window and reached a bit. "Oh." I turned toward Matt who was focused intently on his empty hands, inspecting each finger as if he was trying to find an old paper cut. "Matt," I said putting the curtains back in their position and walking up to the red head. I took his hand and pulled him up. He leaned in a little to close as he stumbled to his feet and I stepped back to avoid a straight on head collision. "Let's go." Without releasing his hand I made my way out of the room with Matt close behind.

The hallways were empty and quiet which was strange. Usually everybody was up and about. Then I realized what was going on.

"Matt, what exactly did Roger say about L coming here?" I stopped walking and abruptly spun around to face Matt.

"Uhm... I don't.... know. I was half asleep." I sighed. _'Urgh... he's useless!'_ I quickly turned and made my way to the conference room. Matt stood in the middle of the hallway. "Where ya goin' Mels?"

"To the conference room ya ding dong!"

"Why?"

"Oh just come on!" I started to run and he quickly caught up with me. I couldn't slow down. I had to get there before the meeting ended. I couldn't miss my chance to finally meet L in person! Sure, he came all the time, but he always used surveillance cameras to see us. All we ever got to see was a calligraphic L on a laptop screen. Though it seemed highly unlikely I had hope that this time was different. That maybe I'd get to meet my idol in person.

As we approached the conference room doors they suddenly opened and all of the students and teachers began to file out of the room.

"You've got to be fuckin' kidding me," I growled. I broke out into a sprint fighting my way through the crowd and into the room. As I entered I saw Roger closing the conference room exit door. I'd missed L. I knew it. "Roger," I called to the old man. He turned and met my gaze.

"Yes, Mello?" He walked over to the podium on the stage and placed a stack of papers into the storage drawer within it.

"Did I just miss L?"

"Yes, I'm afraid you did. I'm sorry, Mello."

"He was... in this room?"

"He was." Those two words alone almost made my heart stop. L was here in person and I had just missed him.

I stood there incredulously with my eyes opened wide and my jaw on the floor. I don't know how long I'd been standing there but it was Matt who'd brought me back down to earth.

"Mello? Mello," his voice called out to me. I didn't answer him but I sat down on the marble floor. "Mello, I'm sorry," Matt sighed. He sat down also and apologetically embraced me. I shook him off.

"No." The tone of my voice wavered and Matt's eyes widened. My own eyes began to cloud with tears. "No. Don't speak to me, Matt. I never want to see your ugly fuckin' face again." Then I ran off aimlessly and left the sobbing red head boy behind.

_a/n: I'm sorry. I killed it. I had to put in a conflict and this is the best I could come up with. Go ahead, flame. I deserve it. Not only for the horridness of this chapter but for separating Matt and Mello. I'm sorry... I'm depressed now._


	4. Chapter 4

_a/n: It's been long. I apologize. _

**Disclaimer: you know... I hate this disclaimer. I don't own Death Note aight? **

**Chapter 4**

**Matt's P.O.V**

I didn't clearly understand what was going on after Mello left me in the conference room. All that I clearly remembered was Roger running down the hallway with me slung over his shoulder, a tight pain in my chest, and a lot of red. The red dripped on the floors of the orphanage and made a trail of Roger's beeline to the infirmary. I tried to tell him that I didn't want to go to the infirmary. I wanted to tell him that I was fine and I desired to go to my room, bur I couldn't open my mouth or find my voice. I was confused about what was going on. _'Why can't I move?'_

I tried to will any part of my body to move... my arms, my legs, my lips, my tongue. Nothing would move. _'Am I dead? I don't __**feel**__ dead. How did I die? Did Mello kill me?' _I tried to make some form of noise and I was unsuccessful.

"Hang in there, Matt, we're almost there!" Roger screamed in panic. I was suddenly in despair._ 'Shit! I'm dead! I don't want to be dead. Why did I dye? How did I die? What now? Am I gonna go to hell?'_ My thoughts were interrupted by roger calling to the nurse. I heard her footsteps as she ran into the room.

"What happened?!" Her feminine voice was filled with surprise and fear.

"I don't know why... the scissors. He used the scissors. I'd just bought them so they were sharp...I usually put them back in my office immediately but I forgot...I didn't know he would..." Roger was out of breath and his voice was dripping with fear.

"He's losing too much blood. Here, put him on the bed." After a few moment what I saw changed from the red liquid pooling on the floor to the white ceiling of the blue room in the infirmary. It took a few minutes for me to fully understand the conversation between Roger and the nurse. _'Scissors...blood. I'm bleeding?'_ That was when I began to feel the searing pain in my right arm. I moved my eyes over to the source of pain and saw the deep wound that was said to be inflicted by scissors. The wound looked too deep and nasty to be caused by scissors. My flesh was torn and stained red with blood. The wound was open and deep and it seems as though if I stuck my finger in it I would be able to touch my bone. There was so much blood that there was a lake of red staining the blue sheets.

_'D-did I do that? I don't remember ever...why would I?"_ Mello and I argued a lot and usually it did hurt when he was angry at me, but I never even thought of resorting to self mutilation....but Mello never said that he never wanted to see me again. He was never this angry at me. I still didn't understand how I could have been stupid enough to mix up Roger's message. Suddenly an odd yet somewhat familiar feeling of self loathing came over me. I didn't know when I had felt it before but it felt like I was having deja vu.

That was when the previous blank spot in my memory was filled. I looked down at my bleeding wrist again and remembered how it became that way. I did it.

###

"M-Mello? Mello! I looked around the conference room, fear and sadness flooding my lungs. I became so angry with myself for messing up Mello's one chance to meet L. I began to angrily stomp around the room, deliberately pushing over three of the chairs violently. I paused abruptly when I caught sight of myself on the black t.v screen.

A new wave of anger boiled in my blood and I quickly pushed the t.v off of the roller stand it was on. It fell with a loud bang and the screen shattered. It fell over on its side and I kicked it over to land on it's back. I jumped over it and ran over to the desk in the front corner of the room. I had no idea about what I was looking for but when I saw the shiny black scissors I quickly picked them up as if it was what I wanted the whole time.

I could barely feel the pain as I violently shoved the sharp scissors through the soft flesh closest to my hand and dragged them back to just below my elbow. I exhaled loudly and sat down in the chair behind the desk, resting my head back against the cushion and closing my eyes. I was going to die and I was going to die happy. Happy that I had finally avenged Mello's loss.

Suddenly I began to drift in and out of consciousness and I felt dizzy, then I fell forward out of the chair and blacked out.

###

_a/n: I'm sorry. Not only is is late, but it's short too. :( I know I don't deserve them but your reviews would be lovely._


	5. Chapter 5

_a/n: I'm sorry that this took so long for me to post. I had it written out a log time ago and never posted it until now. You can yell at me when you review. There are 2 P. in this one so I hope that makes up for the lateness._

Chapter 5

Matt's P.O.V

_4 days later_

I put the empty bowl to the side and flicked a fruit loop off of the Mario sheets. The nurse told me that I might be here for a while so I could redecorate the blue room to make myself comfortable. I didn't do much beside change the sheets and have my video games moved to this room. I wasn't allowed to move around much, not only because my body was still too weak, but because Roger was doing damage control. Supposedly all of the students in Wammy's House thought I was dead and I guess if it weren't for Roger I would have been. I actually found the situation quite humorous and I wanted to go out just so I could make all of the other students think they were seeing ghosts. But there was also a part of it that made me sad.

Everyone thought I was dead...but Mello never came to see if it was true. I thought that maybe that would have changed something... that maybe he would have wanted to make sure that I was okay. But as the days went by I began to feel that sinking feeling once again. The nurse began to notice this and she obviously notified Roger because he began to come and see me daily so that we could talk. I didn't mind too much because it was nice to have company.

The nurse walked into the room and picked up the bowl that I had placed on the bedside table. When she saw the full cup of orange juice still where she placed it she frowned. "Matt, why didn't you drink your orange juice?"

"I don't know...I didn't want it," I said with a shrug. Before I knew it the cup was shoved into my hands and I was commanded to drink.

"You need to consume as many vitamins as possible if you want to get out of here." She stood there and waited for me to start drinking while I stared at the orange liquid warily. _'If I don't drink it on my own she'll shove it down my throat...'_ I unwillingly put the cup to my lips and began to chug. When the glass was empty the nurse smiled and took it from my hands. "Good," she said praisingly "now before I go, is there anything you need?" I shook my head and she left me alone. The bitter taste of orange juice was still in my mouth and I was dying for a Mtn. Dew to chase it away but I knew that if I were to ask the nurse she would scold me. I sighed and reached over to the bedside table to retrieve my PSP. I began to play the game that I had in there and it wasn't long before there was a soft knock at the door. Roger poked his head in the door and smiled at me and I smiled back and turned off the volume on the game I was playing. He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"Hello, Matt. How are you feeling?" I thought about it for a moment. _'Lonely, upset, hurt...heartbroken.'_

"I'm fine, Roger. How are you?" I thought about what he was saying in his head. _Stressed, frustrated, lonely, tired..._ His job was far from being the easiest and I could tell that children weren't his favorite people in the world. My heart went out to him, he wasn't doing a bad job but I could tell it was hard.

"I'm doing good." He sat down at the edge of the bed and rested his hands on his knees. "Did the nurse tell you anything about when you can leave?"

"Not yet, but she did make me chug down some orange juice to get me out of here faster." Roger chuckled lightly.

"If only it were that easy," he said.

"How's damage control going? Am I still dead?"

He sighed and nodded. "I'm afraid so. I don't know where to start dispelling the rumor so I haven't done much yet. I sought out the help of L and Watari so it shouldn't take long." I nodded my head and thought about what would happen after I was free to leave the infirmary, after I was completely healed. _'Things wold be somewhat back to normal...or not. What is normal in my life without...'_ I dreaded the question I would ask next, so much so that I dared not even ask it, but I did anyway.

"Have you heard anything from Mello?" I looked up at Roger and saw the sadness in his eyes.

"No, Matt. I'm- I'm sorry." I nodded my head and resumed my game.

Mello's P.O.V

I wasn't deaf. I heard the rumors, I just chose to ignore them. I didn't care about whether or not Matt was alive or dead. If he was alive then good for him, if he was dead then he got what he deserved.

I walked out of my college level history class and was making my way back to my room wen I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. I did not hesitate to turn around and saw Linda's familiar eyes locked on mine.

"What?" I questioned rudely, pushing her hand from my shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry to bother you but...I had a question about...about Matt?" Her statement came out more like a question but I understood...that didn't mean I was happy about it.

"What about him?" My words were harsh but it wasn't like I cared.

"Is it true? Did he die?" I saw extreme sadness in her eyes and I began to wonder if she had feelings for Matt.

"I don't know. Doesn't matter to me." She looked at me with fury and her face turned red with her rage.

"How could you _say_ that? He was your most loyal friend, Mello, and now you're going to just forget him? You're going to abandon him? If he is alive then he must be hurt because you're just giving up on him. He was loyal for nothing? After all he did for you, you can't simply look for him? Gosh, Mello you're such a jerk!"

She turned and ran off then and for the rest of the day whenever I was out in front of students I could see them glaring at me, I could hear them whispering. It didn't bother me much until I overheard one of Linda's friends explain her theory about how Matt died. I was sitting in my normal seat during Biochemistry and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I kept all signs of discomfort off of my face but I could feel it inside...the paranoia...the guilt...the lonliness. I picked up my textbook and attempted to review what we would be doing in class when I heard my name from behind me.

"...I saw him when he left the conference room and he looked pretty angry. I remember Matt going in after him but when Mello left Matt never came out. I heard them screaming and I heard something break. I think Mello killed him." Her words filled me with so much fury that it was harder than normal to contain.

"But why would Mello do that? They were best friends. And besides, Mello would be in jail if that's what happened."

"Yeah, I know, but remember they did miss the meeting with L. I think it's Matt's fault because Mello would never miss them...They probably got into a fight about that."

"A physical fight? Wouldn't that have been on camera? Roger would have caught them."

"Maybe it was just a verbal one."

"Then why is Matt dead?"

"Suicide." That word. It was the first word that popped into my head when Matt didn't come into our room the night of the fight. Something in me broke and I quickly jumped to my feet. I don't know when tears started streaming down my face but they were there.

"Just shut up!" I screamed, facing the four girls that were huddled together. "Matt didn't kill himself! I didn't kill him! You all don't know anything! Just shut up and leave it alone!" I ran out of the room, headed to god knows where. To me it didn't matter where, I just had to get away from the rumors. I wandered aimlessly about the hallways for a good ten minutes before Roger caught sight of me outside.

"Mello, what are you doing out here? You're supposed to be in class." He walked up to me and paused when he saw the tears in my eyes. "What's wrong?" He pulled me to the side gently and sat down with me on one of the marble benches.

"Matt..is he- is he...dead?" My voice was barely over a whisper but Roger heard me clearly. I saw an understanding look and his face and he shook his head.

"No, Mello. He's not dead, he's just been badly injured and has to spend some time in the infirmary. He's fine other than that."

"What happened to him?"

"He was...injured...by a pair of scissors. He lost a lot of blood and had to get a lot of stitches. That's all."

"Oh..." I began to understand then...but something still didn't feel quite right.

"I can let you see him if you'd like." I thought about it for a moment but shook my head.

"No. I don't want to see him...just as long as he's not dead I'm fine."

"Alright. If you say so." I really did want to see Matt...but I couldn't. I was still sort of angry with him for messing up a few days back. He would live and so would I...

Just seperately.


	6. Chapter 6

_a/n: It's been too long...blame it on me being unable to settle with this chapter. I tried writing it and re-writing it for weeks and nothing seemed quite right but I had to post SOMETHING right? Well thank you all for your amazing reviews (and for not bashing me for being like 2 months late). _

Chapter 6

Matt's P.O.V

I was scared out of my mind. I held the pillow over my head and pulled the blankets over my head. I was to the point at which even though it was getting a little hard to breathe I was too spooked to move the blankets back a little to get some fresh air. Thunder shook the dark room and I delved deeper into the sheets and curled up into a ball. I knew that I was shaking but I was powerless to stop myself. Fear welled up in me and filled me to the brim. I was so afraid that hot tears ran down my face and my sobs were soft but audible. I hated the low dark clouds, I hated the sky, I hated the bolts of lightning that flashed at random moments making me jump out of my skin and I hated the rolls of thunder that followed closely behind them. I covered my ears with my hands and rocked back and forth while the tears still fell. "Please stop...please stop...please stop..." I begged the weather softly keeping my words in rhythm with my rocking. A flash of light illuminated the room for a brief moment before it disappeared and I pressed my hands against my ears, bracing myself for the sound that I knew was coming.

That didn't stop me from being afraid when it did. I tensed up and cried harder, quickening my rocking motion. I couldn't take any more, I was afraid that at the next roll of the thunder my heart would just stop and I would die right then and there. My cries started to become audible so I bit on my bottom lip softly to keep myself quiet, a habit that I developed in order to keep myself quiet when Mello was studying. The next roll of thunder frightened me and caused my teeth to pierce my bottom lip. It was painful and blood began to run down my chin. I shivered and mentally beat myself up for being such a coward. No one else in Wammy's was afraid of these storms but me and I felt like a complete idiot. For the rest of the night I cowered in fear and only wished that Mello would come an help me. My fear became mixed with anger every time I though of the fact that Mello wasn't coming to help me. When I caused him to miss the meeting with L it was purely accidental but he knew good and damn well that I was afraid and he was purposely not coming to help me.

_'Well...some best friend he is.'_

Mello's P.O.V

I sat on the windowsill watching as the rain pounded against the window and looking up into the black sky. I knew that Matt was probably scared out of his wits and I knew that I really should have gone to help him but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt as though he deserved the treatment I was giving him but another part of me was saying that I was being too harsh and that what he did was unintentional. I knew that it was true but I still refused to move, I just listened to the sound of the rain pounding on the window until I heard something different. It sounded like a scream...a familiar scream. I jumped up and laid down on the ground with my ear pressed on the ground and faintly hear the whimpers and cries coming from below me. I quickly went through the blue print of the school in my head trying to find out what room was below me. That was when for the second time that day I began to run. I ran out of my bedroom and down the stairs quickly and before I knew it I was standing in front of the infirmary doors. I paused before pushing it open quietly and stepping into the dark office. The cries echoed through the halls and I began to follow the sound silently making sure that my footsteps were inaudible. I stopped where I heard them loudest and silently opened the door to the blue room. It took me a moment until I saw the big lump in the middle of the bed covered by the blankets. I began to approach the bed slowly and rested my hand on top of the lump.

"Matt," I said softly. I felt him freeze under my hand and I patted and rubbed his back softly.

"Me-Mello?" I heard him inquire softly, his voice was hoarse and he sounded as if he'd been crying forever.

"Yeah, it's me," I replied. I lifted my hand when I felt him move beneath me and a few moments later he poked his head up from below the sheets and sat up. I smiled at him and the biggest grin that I'd ever seen appeared on his face and he lunged at me and pulled me into a hug. "Hey," I said hugging back.

"Mello, you're here. I didn't think you would come. I'm so glad that you're here." He held onto me for longer that I wanted him to but I didn't stop him. I'd been cruel to him so the least I could do for him was let him hug me.

"I heard you scream so I came as fast as I could, I'm so sorry, Matt. I should have come earlier." I looked him over and saw blood dripping from his bottom lip and saw how red his nose was and how puffy his eyes were. I felt really bad when my eyes moved down and I caught sight of the big ugly scar on his arm. When he caught me looking he quickly shoved his arm under the sheets and I assumed that he was still insecure about it. I knew that it probably wasn't the best time to ask but my mind was going through too many horrible scenarios for me to leave it alone. "Matt, what happened to you?" I reached out and pulled his arm out of the blankets and looked at the big scar that ran down his forearm. He tried to pull away from my grasp but I didn't allow it as I peered closely at the black line that tainted the pale white skin on his arm.

"I was injured by a pair of scissors..." he said. He was even worse of a liar then Roger and I glared at him. When he saw my face he caved. "I didn't know what I was doing...I was in the middle of some sort of fit and then I saw the scissors and I...I..." his voice faltered and he began to cry. I sat next to him on the bed and held him close.

"Why, Matt? Why would you do that?"

"I wanted to die, Mello. When you left I didn't...I didn't know what to do. I was so upset. I'm sorry...I- I failed you." After he said that he turned and began to cry into my shirt and I held onto him still.

"It wasn't your fault," I said to him softly. "I'm sorry that I held that against you. I feel horrible Matty. It was early, I really couldn't have expected you to remember the message exactly." I began to cry myself and when Matt noticed this he looked up at me.

"Don't cry for me, Mello. I'm really not that important of a person." When he said that I was shocked. _'Does he really think that he's not important?'_ My stomach sank and I began to cry harder because I knew that I had caused him to feel this way.

"Matt, don't ever say that. You are an important person. You're- you're important to me." He was quiet then and neither of us spoke. After about an hour I noticed that Matt's breathing was softer and I looked down to see him peacefully sleeping on my chest. That made me smile and I was finally at peace with myself. When I finally forgave myself for failing Matt I felt a burden lift from my shoulders and then I fell into a peaceful sleep.

_a/n: ((sighs)) Finally that's over. It took so long partly due to the fact that I couldn't contact my beta. I felt bad for keeping Mello and Matt apart for so long. Hopefully you all can forgive me. Thank you all for reading and I promise that I'll do better and post the chapters faster. Please review._


	7. Chapter 7

_a/n: Okay…it's been forever. I'm getting back into this story now, which is good for both of us. Happy Holdiays!_

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Death Note… **

**Chapter 7**

**Three Days Later**

Matt's P.O.V

I rested on my bed and looked up at the popcorn ceiling. It felt good to be back in my room, and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I saw it again for the first time in weeks. My bed had been neatly made and my video game systems were returned to their spot under the TV in the front of the room. There were chocolate bar wrappers thrown around the wooden floor but they were picked up by Roger before I could even finish bending down to get them myself. I was told to lay down and relax so I would have some energy when I returned to my classes tomorrow, and then I was left alone in my room. Mello wouldn't be in for another two hours because he was still in class. I could hardly wait for him to get in so he could see that I was back. I was so excited.

I smiled and relaxed, picking my PSP up from off of the bedside table. I played for a little while, but after about thirty minutes I began to feel drowsy. I tried to fight off the impending sleep, but it was only a few minutes before my eyes slowly drifted closed.

OOO

Mello's P.O.V

I opened the door to my room violently, letting it hit the wall behind it as it flew open. The sound the collision made reverberated through the dark room like thunder on a rainy night. At that exact moment I heard a yelp and a crash in the bedroom, like someone falling to the floor. I quickly entered the room and turned on the lights, nearly dropping the books when I saw Matt sitting on the floor rubbing his head.

"Matt?" I asked loudly, looking at the redhead on the floor.

"Hiya, Mels," he responded, rubbing his head as if it had just been hit. I put my books down on the bed and offered to help him up.

"What were you doing on the floor?" I asked when he was on his feet.

"I fell," he replied, "hit my head pretty good too." He sat down on the bed and looked up at me, a half smile on his face. I laughed a little, covering my mouth when Matt pouted.

"Did I scare you?" I asked, trying hard not to laugh again. Matt nodded and blushed slightly.

"I thought it was thunder," he mentioned softly. Thunder. My mind went back to the night before Matt was admitted to the infirmary, back to the fear that he admitted to feeling and the love that filled the air when we held each other that night.

"You're still afraid of thunder storms?" I asked him with a sigh.

"Well yeah… what'd you expect? You thought it would change in one night?" Matt huffed and turned away from me, his face filled with an emotion that I couldn't quite place. I sighed and sat down beside him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"No, I guess I couldn't expect that." I laid my head on his shoulder from behind and breathed in his scent. It was different than his usual smell. He always smelled like tobacco and sweat, now it was just soap. I breathed in deeply before I spoke again. "Matt," I called his name softly, brushing my fingers against his warm neck.

"Yes, Mello." His voice was soft and calm and he moved my hand up to his cheek, pressing it there softly.

"I have a question for you." I've had this question since I'd seen him last, in the infirmary. I pulled back slowly and he turned to face me.

"What is it?" I looked down, avoiding his gaze. I couldn't ask the question if I saw his eyes, I would become too nervous.

"How do you feel about me?" I looked at him through my bangs, he looked confused. "I mean, do you only see me as a friend?" I looked up at him then, when my eyes met his I felt like he could see into my soul and I could see into his. There was something there that I never noticed before, something strong. Love?

"If that's how you want me to see you," was his only reply. I shook my head slowly.

"I don't want it to be about what I want," I said, "I want to know how you feel."

"I…" He paused for several minutes, frustrating me.

"You what?" I asked, irritation in my voice.

"I love you, Mels," he said softly. His eyes expressed the truthfulness of the three words that made my heart leap.

"You mean it?" I asked softly, I smiled timidly at him and he nodded.

"Of course I do."

My smile widened and I threw my arms around his neck. "I love you too!" I exclaimed. He laughed and laid back, pulling me on top of him. I buried my face into his shirt and breathed in the scent of soap again. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure. What?"

"Smoke." He looked at me, confusion in his eyes, but then he laughed.

"I don't think that would be a favor for **you**" he commented before pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and putting it in his mouth. I stretched my arm out and opened the drawer beside us, pulling out the lighter. "Thank you," he said when I lit the cigarette that hung from his mouth. He smiled as he smoked and I breathed in the nicotine scented air with a sigh. This was Matt, and Matt was back.

_a/n: Okay, probably about 2 more chapters. Does that make you happy? I'm going to start working on the next one tomorrow morning. REVIEW!_


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